


Threshold

by VR_Trakowski



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 10:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VR_Trakowski/pseuds/VR_Trakowski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Transitions.  AU.  A sequel to "Essence".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the characters and situations in this story belong to J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, and other entities, and I do not have permission to borrow them. All others belong to me, and if you want to play with them, you have to ask me first. No infringement is intended in any way, and this story is not for profit. Any errors are mine, all mine, no you can't have any.
> 
> Still new to this fandom; still assuming that it's all been done already. Any unoriginality is accidental.
> 
> Many, many thanks to Cincoflex and Trialia for editing, Britpicking, and general encouragement despite my impatience and neuroses. You ladies are the best, and I love you dearly! I did ignore you on occasion, I admit, but that's my fault.
> 
> Also, much appreciation to those who commented on Essence. I feel this one is a better story; here's hoping you find it so as well.

" _Expecto Patronum!"_

Nothing but silver mist.

Severus swore and lowered his wand. Across the room, Lily looked up from her book and flashed him a sympathetic smile.

Blowing out a breath, Severus relaxed his spine and tried again. The Patronus spell was considered extra credit for Defence Against the Dark Arts, due to its difficulty, but Severus had yet to attempt a spell he couldn't perform, and he wasn't about to let this one defeat him.

Unfortunately, so far it was winning. Even in these early morning practice sessions, with no one watching but Lily, he could conjure no more than unformed mist.

Closing his eyes, Severus summoned his happiest memory by far—the moment when Lily had looked up at him and told him she loved him, and the incredulous joy that had flooded him at her soft words. But the result was the same.

"Relax." Lily's hands on his shoulders squeezed gently, and Severus bit back a touch of irritation at the interruption. "Let it go for now, it's almost time for breakfast."

Severus almost shrugged her hands away. "I _will_ master this."

Her kiss below his ear sent a thrill through him despite the familiarity of the caress. "I know you will. Just not _now._ " When he pulled away to look at her, she was grinning at him. "It's only been a week, Sev. Even _you_ can't be perfect at everything the first time!"

His nascent annoyance dissolved as he remembered, again, that Lily believed in him. He cocked a brow nonetheless. "Hark to the woman who turned out a perfect one on her first try."

Lily rolled her eyes, but it was the blush that caught his attention. "So I have lots of good memories. That doesn't mean you won't do it too. It's a difficult spell, you know that! Some people can't even get the lesser form."

"I know." He put his hands on her waist and tugged her closer, exulting silently when she came without hesitation. "I still want to know what memory you used."

Her face got pinker, but her response was a kiss that was sufficiently distracting to keep them both busy until the breakfast bell sounded. Severus didn't know why she wouldn't tell him what memory she'd used to generate her Patronus, but trying to find out was an amusing pastime and one that promised to generate many such pleasing replies.

Lily pushed away as the sound of the bell faded, sighing a little, but Severus caught her wrist. "Show me again."

Her lips crimped, but Lily shook free and raised her wand, eyes closing and expression becoming almost reverent. _"Expecto Patronum."_

The light that burst from her wand resolved into the shimmering shape of a doe, leaping down to the floor and then coursing around the room before dissolving. It was beautiful, the epitome of grace, and Severus sighed as he watched it fade.

Lily sighed too, but the sound was contented. "Are you packed?" she asked absently.

Severus turned to gather his books. "Almost." The reminder of the upcoming Easter holiday cheered him somewhat. "I'll be done long before train time."

"Good." Her smile held a hint of secrecy, but it disappeared as Lily kissed him again and then opened the classroom door. "If I don't see you on the train find me at King's Cross."

"Very well." Severus held the door for her and followed her out into the corridor, thoughts flying ahead to two whole weeks in Lily's company and no schoolwork to interfere.

It was the first time he'd looked forward to a school holiday.

* * *

Sev was…a problem.

Lily paused in her packing, nibbling on her bottom lip thoughtfully. While there was a certain bittersweetness in knowing this would be the last Easter holiday for all of Hogwarts' seventh-years, Lily was much more taken up by her plans for said break. Which, by default and her own careful planning, involved Sev.

 _It's going to be a ticklish business._ Lily folded another shirt and laid it into her rucksack, then snagged a pair of wool gloves and added them too—spring was not so far advanced as to take all the chill from the air. _But I think I can manage, as long as he doesn't panic._

Lily felt herself smile, the soft expression that was automatic now at the thought of her— _sweetheart_ , she thought firmly, as _boyfriend_ seemed ridiculous applied to someone with his reserve and dignity. Not that her chosen term would be much better to anyone looking on, but _she_ knew what Sev was really like—the face he showed only to her.

"Are you finished?" Her roommate Marilla stuck her head in the door. "It's almost train time."

Lily shook her head. "Go ahead. I'll catch up in a few."

Marilla withdrew, and Lily could hear her chattering with some of the other Gryffindor girls as she closed the door. Lily smiled and gathered up a skirt and some socks.

The plan for the day was simple; take the train back to King's Cross, Apparate back home with Sev, and then head for Yorkshire. It was a lot of travelling for one day, but— _It's going to be worth it._

Lily grinned, and closed her rucksack.

* * *

It was past noon before she had time to even sit down. The holiday had all the students excited, and she and Potter and the prefects had all they could do to keep the younger kids under control. But eventually the long trip wore down the enthusiasm, and Lily was able to grab a snack from the cart. She took her food into the last compartment, which held only Marilla, propped in a corner and snoring lightly.

Amused, Lily watched the passing scenery as she ate, wilds green with spring but dull with the rain washing down. She had a book from the Hogwarts library, one of the turgid magical-historical romances she was guiltily fond of, but at the moment something else held her interest. _Sev…_

He was probably ensconced in the lead carriage with the other seventh-year Slytherins, sitting silently in a corner and letting the talk flow around him. Lily didn't really expect to see him before they disembarked—any disruptions were unlikely among the oldest students, and the Slytherin prefect could handle them. And while her relationship with Sev wasn't forbidden, his House-mates tended to look askance when confronted with it.

_Well, it's just a little while more._

She knew Sev had expected backlash from James and his friends, but aside from a few attempts on James' part to speak with Lily, the boys had let them strictly alone. Lily was satisfied, though Sev—ever suspicious—was certain they were up to something. Lily turned up her nose whenever James approached and ignored all speculative glances from afar, and while she didn't want to argue with Sev about it she was fairly certain the matter was finished.

_It was stupid of me to get involved with James anyway, but it was just for a little while. We're done, and he knows it. I don't want to hear his excuses._

She had something better, besides. The three months she and Sev had been a couple rather than just friends seemed much longer; Lily put it down to them having known each other for so many years prior. _If it were anyone else, I would think we were moving too fast…but we know each other's secrets already._

_Or most of them._

Smile fading, she leaned back and considered her beloved. She might have opted out of most of the adolescent romancing that went on around them over the years, but living with Marilla and Madeleine and Jane meant that she was quite _aware_ of it.

If there was one thing universal about teenage males, her mates assured her, it was that they were _eager_. Lily's own observations rather bore that out. And yet, whenever she and Sev got a little precious private time, he was distinctly reluctant to go further than some heated kissing at the most.

Which _she_ found distinctly _frustrating._

Even those not gifted in Arithmancy could put two and two together and get the answer of _something's not right here_.

_There hasn't been time to talk about it, either._

Well, there would be. She'd seen to that.

Lily held the image of Sev in her mind for a while, the shy half-smile he wore only when alone with her. _He needs more kisses. Many more._ And hugs, and the little touches that often seemed to startle him. He needed _confidence_ , and she would make sure he gained it.

She opened her book, shaking off her own mild drowsiness, and settled down to wait for the journey to end.

* * *

London was dry, if grey, but it was _pouring_ when they Apparated into the Evans' back garden. Sev swore, and Lily shrieked and dived for the door, fumbling for her key and feeling the cold rain running under her collar almost at once. It took only seconds before they were crowding into the dim kitchen, but Sev was still swearing, and Lily grimaced in sympathy when she flipped on the light. She was wearing a heavy jumper, but Sev hadn't bothered with his coat when he'd removed his school robes on the train, and his shirt was soaked through, his hair hanging in strings across his face.

Lily took his bag and dumped them both by the door. "Drying charm?" she asked, casting one on their luggage.

"No. I dislike what it does to linen." Sev swiped his hair out of his face, grimacing, and crouched to retrieve a fresh shirt from his bag.

"Nobody's home," Lily said. "You can change wherever."

Sev nodded, clearly still annoyed, and left the kitchen. Lily rolled her eyes at his pickiness and cast the charm on herself. Yes, it made her hair crackle, but that wouldn't be a problem for long, and they could use a shield spell on the way back out. _Or you could Apparate directly from the house,_ the small voice in her brain suggested.

Lily told it to get stuffed—her parents had forbidden Apparation within the house, and she wasn't going to break that rule even if they weren't home—and headed upstairs to grab a few items from her room.

She'd expected Sev to use the downstairs loo to change clothes, but a flash of movement caught her eye as she passed the one in the upstairs hall, and she halted in surprise. _He must have forgotten that the door doesn't latch properly—_

She should have just kept going, but what she saw froze her in place. Sev was just pulling off his shirt, facing away from the cracked-open door, and the narrow view of his bare back made her heart rate speed up. His shoulders weren't as broad as James', but their smooth muscle and the supple line of his spine riveted her attention.

Lily frowned. In the bright light of the room's overheads, she could see that the skin of his back wasn't as even as it first appeared. She whispered a magnification charm, deliberately ignoring her conscience's reminder that she was invading Sev's privacy—

The slice of view leapt towards her, magically focused, and what she saw made Lily swallow against a sick surge of fury. The skin of his back was marred with crisscrossed scars, most of them old and silvery now but a few still faintly pink. _Oh. Oh, Sev—_

The sight made clear quite a few things, some of which she'd suspected over the years. It also made her want to curse both his parents into abject jelly.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Lily got control of her temper, then cancelled the spell and escaped to her room before Sev came out and found her staring.

She sat down on her bed, deliberately uncurling her hands from their angry fists, and struggled to settle her thoughts. _I knew his father used to rough him up—but not like that—oh,_ _ **Sev**_ _._

She wanted to cry; she wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry she was, how he didn't deserve that kind of treatment. She wanted to beg his forgiveness for not doing something about it when they were younger, even though Lily knew perfectly well that her ten-year-old self was in no way responsible for doing anything at all.

In the end she did weep a little, stifling the sob with her palm and wiping hastily at her eyes, though she'd closed her door and knew that Sev would not enter without permission. _Control yourself,_ she told herself sternly. _If he finds out you're upset he'll ask why._

But the illicit glimpse had answered more than one question about his behaviour. _So that's why he's reluctant—why he never lets me put my hands under his shirt._ Sev was sensitive about his appearance and never believed her when she told him he was gorgeous.

_Well. We'll just have to deal with that too._

Lily lifted her chin and stood up, then started at a knock on the door. "Lily?"

"Out in a minute," she called back, and hastily gathered what she'd come for. Halfway to the door she halted, then went back for one more item.

_Just in case._

* * *

It was raining lightly in Yorkshire when they arrived, but the shielding spells worked nicely. Sev looked around suspiciously, and only long familiarity let Lily see the nervousness underneath. The little cottage had a winter-withered garden that made its back step a perfect Apparation point; no one could see them arrive from this angle. "Are you certain no one will bother us here?"

"Of course." Lily unlocked the door with a muttered spell; much simpler than sneaking the key out of her parents' house. "No one comes here this time of year; the family takes turns during the summer hols, but everyone thinks the moors are too gloomy else."

Sev tilted his head in agreement; the huge slope rearing up in the near distance did look forbidding. "As you say." He pushed the door open and stood aside to let her pass.

The small kitchen was cold and a little musty, but Lily was expecting that. She set Sev to putting away the food they'd brought and setting up wards, and busied herself starting up the furnace and the boiler, blessing magic as she did so. Clearing the thin dust and making the beds was a matter of a few wand flicks, not half an hour of hauling around sheets and the hoover.

It had been surprisingly easy to talk Sev into spending the Easter holiday with her in Yorkshire; she hadn't been the only one frustrated by too little time to be together. No one cared where Sev spent his time when he wasn't at school, and between Petunia's obsession with wedding planning and her parents' trip to Wales, no one had asked Lily straight out where she intended to be.

She grinned to herself and dumped her rucksack on the bed in the first bedroom. It wasn't that her family didn't know she and Sev were an item; it was that she intended to keep things private for the moment.

 _Even from him?_ asked the sardonic voice in the back of her head, and Lily shrugged at it. _If I'd told him I was hauling him off to the wilds of Yorkshire to seduce him, I wouldn't have seen him until we got back to Hogwarts_. "But I think I can get him used to the idea with a bit of time," she added out loud, closing the curtains at the room's small window with another twitch of her wand.

"What idea?" Sev asked behind her, and Lily barely held in her start.

"Wait and see," she told him cheekily, turning.

He stood in the doorway, arms folded and expression closed, and for a moment she felt a pang of doubt. "If you're still trying to recruit me to the Auror Office, you can give up now and save us both time and trouble," he said finally, voice dry, and Lily had to chuckle.

"No, I've dropped that idea." She walked over to kiss him in a leisurely fashion. It had only been a passing notion anyway; he really was much better suited to the potions and spell research he was planning.

Sev pulled her close with a little sigh of relaxation, and Lily broke the kiss and just held him, feeling his head come down on her shoulder. He was so touch-starved, and so uncertain still, though she knew it was more reflex than true doubt. _It's not that he thinks you don't care, it's that he thinks it'll be taken away,_ she reminded herself. The trait was sometimes irritating, but Lily added the reminder that he really hadn't had a lot of time to get used to the idea.

_But hopefully by the time we leave here he'll have no doubts at all._

The thought—and her plans—made her smile, and she gave him an extra squeeze and leaned back. "Hungry yet?"

A small smile reached Sev's eyes. "As you so often point out, I'm always hungry."

Lily laughed, and reached up to push the hair from his face. "When you even _notice_. Tell you what, you set up the lab in the utility room and I'll cook."

He nodded. "Very well. But it will be my turn tomorrow."

"If I can drag you _out_ of the lab, sure."

They separated amicably, and Lily went to stir up soup and make sandwiches, listening with amusement to Sev's carrying grumbles about the lack of room in the utility room. It was more for show than anything else, she knew; none of the cottage's rooms were large, and that was really the only suitable space.

Lily stared into the soup as the stuff began to simmer, and indulged in a moment of doubt. Deciding to seduce Sev was all very well, but she had no practical experience in the matter, and she was going to have to work through his…reluctance wasn't quite the word, she thought. No, he wanted her just as much as she wanted him, their half-stolen times together had made that quite clear. And now that she knew what he hid beneath his shirt—

 _He's afraid. On some level, he's afraid that I'm going to reject him at the last minute._ And so he was willing to put off the last minute indefinitely despite Lily's own willingness.

_Willingness, ha. I've done everything but beg._

The truth was, she had her own insecurities. Sev was devoted to her, she knew that, but underneath she wanted that bonding, the last step that made him hers physically as well as emotionally. _I came so close to losing him._

Lily stirred the soup, sniffing the fragrant steam. _We have two weeks. Let's see what I can do—what_ _ **we**_ _can do._

She still had to drag Sev out of the lab for tea, interrupting his rearrangement of the various items he'd brought along, but once he was out they had a pleasant meal, and washed the dishes in peace together.

They ended up in the living room in front of the fire, reading at opposite ends of the sofa, though eventually they migrated close enough to each other to first lean on one another and then, inevitably, kiss.

Lily loved Sev's kisses. He was never hasty or sloppy; unlike James, he always treated her with a respect bordering on reverence, even when things got intense. She appreciated the difference very much.

 _Now?_ she asked herself, and then decided that the answer was no. They were both tired, and school was mere hours behind them. Better to start things when they had both had the chance for some rest.

So she kept things low-key, and Sev didn't seem inclined to do otherwise; his hands were gentle as he stroked her hair and her back, and his kisses spoke more of contentment than arousal.

It was just as well. When they returned to their books at last, it wasn't long before Sev's eyes were closing, and Lily watched with amusement as he gradually fell asleep, head resting on the sofa's back and arms going limp.

She rescued the book before it could fall from his lap, contemplated waking him, and was hit with an unexpected yawn. Moving suddenly seemed too much of an effort, and the fire was barely coals. Lily pulled her legs up onto the sofa and rested her head on Sev's shoulder.

_Just for a minute._

* * *

Much later, it seemed, she felt herself being lifted, as if she were six again and had fallen asleep in the car. But the arms holding her were not her father's.

Blearily she recognised the front bedroom, where she'd left her rucksack, though the only light came from the hallway. Sev murmured something, and she heard the swish of sheets; then she was being laid down on cool cotton.

Sev straightened, and Lily grabbed at his hand, catching it almost by accident. "Don't go," she muttered.

He hesitated so long that she almost fell back asleep. Finally the fingers in hers twitched. "Are you sure?"

"Get in here," she ordered, sliding back so there was room for him. "'M too sleepy to argue."

The soft sound might have been doubt, or amusement. But Sev obeyed, climbing cautiously into the bed next to her and pulling up the covers against the room's chill.

Lily didn't wait to see how he reacted. She just shoved her pillow closer, threw an arm over his waist, and closed her eyes.

She woke again, much later, to find herself spooning Sev, knees tucked behind his and her forehead pressed against his spine. Her arm was still wrapped around his ribs, and she could feel his hand on hers, pressing it against his chest. It was a surprisingly comfortable position, and she barely noted it before drifting off once more. **  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, Cincoflex and Trialia looked this over thoroughly. I couldn't do it without them. 
> 
> Apologies for the tardiness of this chapter. I meant to post on Tuesday, but I was too nervous, and then was away from home the next two nights. However, it's a nice long one--somewhat mitigated by the fact that I am very bad at writing smut. *shrug* Read at your own risk.

The withdrawal of arms from around her woke her in the morning, just enough to be aware of Sev sliding out from under the covers as cautiously as he'd gone in. Lily lay still, sleepily savouring the thought of all the time they had to spend ahead of them.

It took her a while to come to full awareness, but eventually the whistle of the old-fashioned kettle pushed her to roll over and get up, grimacing. _I hate sleeping in my clothes._

She rummaged in her rucksack for her dressing gown, pausing at a knock on the now-closed door. "Hmm?"

"I'm going to have a bath," came Sev's voice through the wood. "Tea's on."

"Morning person," Lily tossed back, heavy on the mock disgust, and all but heard his smirk.

The rain had stopped. Lily took her tea out the back door and let the wind off the moor chill her thoroughly, enjoying the fresh coldness of it and the gorgeous scents of heather and gorse blossom. It was going to be a lovely day even if it would require gloves, and she mentally planned a walk after breakfast and her own bath—probably alone, as Sev was no doubt eager to get to work.

So it proved. Lily took herself to the small village a mile distant and picked up fresh eggs and milk, content just to let the day unfold as it would. But when she was halfway back to the cottage, a tall figure in a black school cloak met her on the path, taking the bag from her and hooking her arm through his.

"Missed me?" Lily asked, grinning at him as they walked. Sev's return smile was wistful.

"Yes," was all he said, but it made her throat ache, and Lily shifted closer to him.

After lunch they worked together in the makeshift lab. Sev, nearing graduation, had a number of recipes he wanted to refine in preparation for patenting, and while Lily didn't have what she privately considered his inventive genius, her own skills were not inconsiderable. And she _did_ have an intuition Slughorn had labelled "remarkable", which came in handy for just such work.

"You still have to show me how you created my perfume," she reminded Sev as they were cleaning up before supper. She wore the stuff every day, though it seemed like a wild indulgence to use it so freely; but she loved the scent, and Sev loved it too, and he'd already promised to make her more when she ran out.

He tightened a stopper in a long-necked bottle, lips quirking. "I can show you my notes, but if you wish to try it yourself, it will have to wait until summer. It's not a quick process."

"No, I imagine not." Lily watched as he reached for a wax stick to label it. "How _did_ you get it so exact?"

Sev's shoulders hunched slightly, and he stared down at the objects in his hand. "That. Well."

She could almost smell the guilt. Lily stepped back slightly and folded her arms, curious and a bit apprehensive. "Yes?"

Sev set both the bottle and the stick down with careful precision, lining them up as if a centimetre's deviation would ruin something. "I…I had to…mimic you. To get it right, you see."

Lily waited, saying nothing, and Sev sighed, not looking up from the narrow table. "Polyjuice."

It took her a second to understand what he meant. "You…turned yourself into me?"

He met her eyes finally, distressed and almost frantic. "Only long enough to test it, Lily, I promise! That's _all_. I would never…never…I mean…"

The apprehension dissolved, to be replaced by amusement and an odd tenderness. The litany of jokes that had accompanied the classroom lecture on Polyjuice ran through her head, all the sniggers over what one might do in another's body, but she couldn't imagine Sev doing any such thing. Lily unfolded her arms and reached out to cup his worried face in her hands. "Sev, stop. It's all right."

He blinked, and she smiled at him, shaking her head. "I understand. That was very clever of you, really."

"You're—" He cleared his throat, hands rising to touch her forearms. "You're not angry?"

"No." She leaned up to brush a quick kiss over his mouth. "Though, next time you just test it on me directly, all right?"

He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against hers and relaxing. "All right."

Lily held him close for a long moment. When he let go, she stepped back again so he could turn and put the bottle on the shelf above. "You're welcome to make your own, of course, but I can do it more quickly," he said.

Lily grinned, and slid her arms around his waist from behind. "I'd like to return the favour, actually."

The sound of Sev's indrawn breath made her spine crinkle pleasantly, as did the feel of his hands covering hers. "I…would like that."

"It's a date, then." She kissed his shoulder, then pulled away. "I believe you promised to make supper today."

His glance back was smiling, no longer distressed. "So I did."

It was a simple matter, then, while he was distracted in the kitchen, for Lily to point her wand up the living-room chimney and quietly dislodge a brick. And after supper, when she lit the fire, the smoke that backed up into the room had them decamping quickly to the front bedroom.

"I still think it can be fixed," Sev said, settling down cross-legged on the thick carpet with his book.

Lily shrugged, sprawling on her stomach on the other side of the bedroom's smaller hearth. "Sure, but it can wait until morning when we can see properly."

"Hm." He was already absorbed in the pages, and Lily hid a smirk in her novel and tried to relax. _And they say Gryffindors can't be devious._ She'd already cast a contraceptive spell, after all.

The book was interesting, but she still kept sneaking looks at Sev, whose hair was hanging in his face as usual. Perhaps he thought it masked his own glances her way, but her peripheral vision was quite good, and Lily was glad to see he couldn't concentrate either.

Eventually she rolled over and stretched, knowing her shirt was riding up and not caring. "Ooh, it's good to know there's no classes tomorrow."

"They are getting brutal," Sev agreed, setting his book aside—he never needed bookmarks, the wretch—and rotating his head on his neck with a grimace. "If I have to sit through one more of Slughorn's revision classes I may hex him just for some peace."

Lily laughed and sat up, crawling over to kneel behind him. "As if you aren't doing your Charms essays while he drones on." She dug her thumbs into the stiff muscles of Sev's neck and listened happily to his groan of relief.

"Yes, well, if he didn't keep asking for corroboration I might make fewer blots." Sev bowed his head in a silent plea for more, and Lily obeyed, feeling knots loosen beneath her touch. It was the perfect place, the perfect moment, she thought; dark and cold outside but cosy within, just the two of them with no one to interrupt, and her beloved sighing happily under her hands. Lily leaned forward and kissed his nape lightly. _Mine_.

Gradually she moved her hands forward to undo the first few buttons of his shirt and slip her fingers under his collar. His skin was almost hot to the touch now, and he shivered as she moved from rubbing to stroking. _Yes. Yes, that's it._

But when she tugged his shirt free of his trousers, Sev stiffened, and then pulled away as she lifted the hem. "Lily—"

_I was right._

"Mm?" She kept her tone casual. "If you're shy, I can go first."

That made him turn, eyes widening. Lily hid her own shyness and crossed her arms, pulling her shirt off in one quick motion and catching his gasp even through the rustle of fabric past her ears. She felt herself blushing, but the desire on his unguarded face gave her courage, and she shuffled around until her back was to him. "Unhook me?"

Undoing her bra was nothing she couldn't do herself, but this was her test. If Sev really didn't want to do this, he could refuse.

For an agonisingly long moment, she thought he would. Then cool fingers brushed her skin, and the garment came loose. Sev worked the straps down her shoulders, letting it fall, and she sucked in a breath at the feel of his reverent kiss on the soft skin of her neck.

His hands slid down her arms, and Lily leaned back against him. They'd touched like this, but never on skin bared to the light, and desire was making her dizzy.

But despite his mouth travelling slowly over her shoulder, Sev's hands didn't move from her arms. Lily thought about putting them where she wanted them, but decided instead to turn and reach for the remaining buttons on his shirt.

As she rather expected, he flinched back, rising to his feet. Lily followed, quite aware of the way his gaze flicked between her bare front and a point over her shoulder. His eyes were wide again, though for a different reason if her guess was right, and his breathing had sped up. In the firelight he looked almost elemental, half his face catching a glow from the flames and half of it still pale.

He was so very beautiful.

Lily knew he would never agree, and in fact that most people would argue with her, unable to see past his sullen expression, his thin frame and large nose, his general air of disdain and cold superiority. But she could; she saw him as he truly was, and no flashy conventional handsomeness would ever compare.

And she _wanted_ him. Stepping forward, she reached out.

"Lily…" Sev's voice was strained, but she ignored the warning and finished unbuttoning his shirt.

"Turn about, remember?" She undid his cuffs impatiently and reached up to slip the garment from him, but he caught her wrists, fingers wrapping tightly. When she looked up his mouth was tight, his brows drawn together in what looked like anger but she knew to be fear.

"I can't. You can't, Lily, it's—"

She cut the words off with her lips, feeling his grip loosen, and teased him with her tongue until she could twist her arms free. Under other circumstances she might have wondered how to ease him past the old shame, but desire and boldness made her mind agile, and she knew exactly what to do. Lily pulled back, catching his gaze. "Yes, you can. I'll show you."

The scarf she'd picked up at home was draped over the end of the bed. Lily stepped past Sev to scoop it up, and embraced him from behind before he could turn. His breath hissed out as she pressed up against him, and Lily shivered at the sensation of her bare skin scraping delicately along the linen of his shirt. Quickly, not giving him time to stop her, she brought up the scarf and covered his eyes.

He stiffened, and Lily leaned into him, resting her chin on his shoulder to whisper in his ear. "I'll stop if you really want me to, Sev, but it will be all right. I promise." She pressed her lips to the delicate skin behind his ear. "Trust me…please trust me."

Sev wasn't even breathing; then he shuddered and exhaled, chin going up in a sign of surrender. "I trust you," he muttered.

His giving in was sweeter than honey. Lily let out her own nervous breath and tied the blindfold swiftly, careful not to catch his hair in the knot, then put her hands on his shoulders and turned him to face her.

She kissed him with concentration and love, until he relaxed again and embraced her, his mouth willing and wicked against hers. Slowly, Lily stripped his shirt away, pushing it off his shoulders and down, though when it reached his elbows he broke away again, fists clenching. She ignored that and pulled the garment free, letting it drop without care for creases.

He _was_ beautiful. Lily let her fingers sweep over the taut, pale skin, circling his nipples and listening to his gasp, dancing down the ribs that were still a little too prominent with youth and lean living, teasing the faint dusting of hair across his abdomen. She had absolutely no idea where all this initiative was coming from, but it was there and she needed it— _Sev_ needed it—so she didn't question.

But as enticing as his front was, she was more concerned with the other side at the moment. Lily kissed the hollow of Sev's throat, which made him tilt his head back in startled pleasure, and eased him back towards the bed.

It took a little coaxing to get him to lie down, and for a moment Lily thought he might pull off the blindfold and refuse, but she pressed him gently onto his belly. "Trust me. Just trust me."

His body was rigid enough to use as a Quidditch bat, Lily thought, but he complied, head up over his crossed arms and hands fisted on the quilt. If he'd been the least bit less so, she might have teased him about it, but instead she knelt beside him and rested her fingers on either side of his neck.

The light was mellow, but it was quite enough to see what she'd spotted earlier. The velvety skin of Sev's back was uneven, faintly ridged with thin scars that spoke of years of abuse. _Probably a belt…_

Lily let her fingers drift down over his shoulder-blades, stroking along the fine wings of bone, and carefully set her fury aside, locking a mental door on it and promising to see to it later. Sev's breathing was rough and uneven with distress, and he needed all her attention now.

She paused long enough to twist her hair into a quick knot, then bent until she could touch the topmost scar with her lips. Sev jerked, grabbing at the fabric beneath him, but Lily moved with him, holding the contact until he stilled and she could brush her mouth along the rougher skin.

He started whimpering when she kissed the third one, and Lily let satisfaction roll over her and kept on. Gradually Sev relaxed, going limp against the mattress, though the soft sounds did not cease. She kissed each of the marks with tender thoroughness, regretting that she could not heal a lifetime's worth of pain in one night.

_But one must begin somewhere._

The waistband of his trousers was loose; she tugged gently, pulling the garment down as far as it would go, but it seemed that the scars ended just above the curve of his backside. Still, the unmarred skin was enticing too, and Lily laid a kiss there as well, where his spine became his tailbone.

Sev's strangled sound might have been a word. He flipped over so fast that she didn't have time to sit up, and his arms around her waist pulled her flush against him. "Take it off."

His voice was strained, but no longer afraid. Lily let out a satisfied smile, and reached up to untie the blindfold.

At this distance, she could tell his pupils from the black of his irises, and they were blown so wide that the iris was almost gone. "Miracle," he said, and kissed her, one of those overwhelming, consuming kisses that allowed her to concentrate on nothing but him. Lily gave into it, vaguely aware of movement, but it wasn't until his head lifted that she found their positions reversed and several pillows between her and the headboard.

"…What?" she asked, struggling to make sense of his comment.

One corner of Sev's mouth tilted upwards, and he moved to kneel beside her, hands sliding up to cup her jaw. "You are a miracle," he said, and went back to kissing her, working his fingers up far enough to undo the knot in her hair.

Little as she could resist his intensity, Lily wasn't about to give up control. She slid her hands up his arms to his shoulders, stroked down over his collarbone, splayed her fingers across his chest again, wishing for a dazed moment that he would let her go long enough that she could see what she was touching.

"No," Sev muttered against her lips, then drew back a fraction. "My turn."

Lily gasped as he turned his attention to her throat, squirming as his tongue flicked out to taste her skin. "Since when are we taking turns?"

She felt him smirk, but he didn't reply. Lily huffed, amused, though she could feel gooseflesh rising all over her torso as Sev's mouth moved lower. Reaching up, she caught his wrist and tugged, dragging his hand down until his palm rested between her breasts.

To her frustration, that had him sitting back on his heels, eyes gone wide again. But before she could protest, he flattened his hand against her breastbone, and she could feel her heartbeat echoing off his palm.

He moved so slowly that Lily was almost impatient, but his expression stole her breath instead. He was transfixed, lips parted as he allowed his fingers to caress her skin, and the sensation of his fingertips—no longer cool—gliding over the upper slope of her breast was enough to make her flush. She felt her nipple tighten as Sev's hand moved lower, and bit her lip.

When his finger brushed it, she couldn't help leaning into the touch. "Harder," she muttered, surprised to hear herself speak.

His gaze flicked up to her face, then down again, and he covered her breast with his hand, fingers closing gently. The light pressure was just enough, and Lily shuddered as a soft wave of pleasure ran through her. _"Oh."_

Sev made an answering sound deep in his throat, and repeated the action on her other breast. Lily felt her heart pounding harder, and it was a bit puzzling, because everything she'd ever heard said that women took longer to get aroused. _But all I want to do is get him out of those trousers and—_

"Lily?" Sev's voice was barely more than a whisper as his caress continued. "May I kiss you here?"

The suggestion alone made her flush. "Anywhere you want," she told him, breath catching, because she'd had _dreams_ about this.

She saw him shiver, and then he bent over her, hair swinging down in a cool tickle. At the first soft graze of his lips Lily's eyes snapped shut, her back arching slightly, and she felt Sev's arms on either side of her hips, bracing him as his mouth quested over her, laying tingling trails wherever he touched. He sipped at her, slid kisses across her, even dared a tiny bite, and Lily wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tried to pull him closer. It felt so good, so incredibly good, but she wanted _more._

He was straddling her now, and Lily gave up on his shoulders and braced herself, shoving precisely. Sev started as she slid downward, bringing them nose to nose, and she smirked at him and reached for the fastening of his trousers.

"Did I do something wr—" he began, the word choking off as she fumbled with the buttons. "Lily!"

She halted, meeting his eyes directly. "Do you want to stop?"

Sev swallowed hard. "Merlin's glory, no." And he smiled, slow and wry and just sensual enough to kick up her pulse again. "But if we're taking turns—"

His hand slid down her stomach, tickling her not quite enough to make her flinch, and rested on the waistband of her jeans. The whispered banishing charm had them slithering down her legs and dropping off the edge of the bed, and Lily rolled her eyes, knowing her face was going pink. "Cheater."

"Muggle," Sev shot back, still amused, though his smile faded when she popped open his buttons at last.

She was already looking, and felt her cheeks heat further, but what came out her mouth was "So you're part Scots then?"

The sound he made was more a collection of consonants than a word. Lily eased his trousers down, absolutely fascinated by the sight of him, and then he managed the charm again and the clothing followed hers. Sev's hand under her chin brought her gaze back up, and she heard him drag in a breath. "I never did learn that bleaching spell that well," he said, wry again.

That had her leaning up to kiss him, hard at first and then very thoroughly, as if she could dissolve the memory if she tried hard enough. Sev tasted her with great concentration, and she pulled him down beside her, inching closer until their bodies were brushing, and oh, there was no question that he was just as aroused as she.

Lily let her hands wander again, fluttering over his sharp collarbone to the smooth strong muscle below it. Sev's own hand was stroking down her side, her spine, settling tentatively on her backside, hot through the thin fabric of her knickers. "May I?" he said against her lips, a bit indistinctly.

"Please." Lily pulled back enough to grin at him, pushing away a pulse of embarrassment, and as he spoke the charm she ducked her head to kiss the hollow of his throat once more. The feel of his palm against her bare skin was thrilling, and she shuddered as his fingers moved in a small circle, as if testing the texture beneath them. "And before you worry about it—" Out of sheer curiosity, she flicked her tongue over his nipple, and was delighted when he twitched. "—I already did the contraceptive spell."

"Good," Sev said faintly, and sank his hand into her hair, tugging gently until his mouth caught hers again. Lily pressed closer, daring to slide her calf over his, and his other hand trailed down, urging her leg higher. The sense of exposure made her shiver, hot and cold and tingling, but it was the warm shape against her belly that had her attention.

Yes, part of her was afraid, or at least apprehensive. First times were supposed to be awkward, painful even, and she didn't want either of them getting upset if things went badly, but—

—But it was _Sev_ in her arms, heating her skin, sprinkling kisses along her jaw and her cheekbone, Sev's hand slipping up to her breast again, and she had to moan at the sensation. Lily left off rational thought and went with instinct, rolling onto her back and pulling him with her.

It _was_ awkward, but they seemed to fit, body to body, and when Sev reached down he nudged her in a way that had her squeaking and lifting her hips. He froze, and then his smile spread against her cheek and he did it again, and again. She couldn't help the squeak each time, and he laughed, breathless. "That's adorable," he murmured.

Lily tried to glare at him. "Sev, if you don't… _oh_ …"

It did hurt, but less than she was expecting, and at the same time it felt _amazing._ And she would have endured much more pain for the way Sev's face went soft and desperate, the way his hand clenched on the bed-sheet before she pulled him down for another kiss.

He was slow, settling into her, and that helped too, and she thought he tried to ask her if she was all right, but all that came out was a choked version of her name. Lily smiled up at him. _"Yes."_

The world contracted down to just _them,_ rocking slowly together, and it felt so good and so strange, sweet and sharp and driving. It was a wonder of hot skin and low sounds, and every time their eyes met Lily felt like they were falling into one another, drawing on some connection they'd never known before. Sev began to tremble, his kisses getting almost frantic, and Lily squirmed a little, wanting _more,_ but the angle wasn't quite—

She slid a hand down between them, and found the spot that had made her squeak, and this time touching it made her moan. _Yes…there…_

Sev saw what she was doing and his eyes squeezed shut. His breath halted _,_ and he jerked forward again and again, and she felt it—hot and liquid and like nothing else—and then Sev gasped, letting the air back out in a groan that made all of her vibrate with triumph and delight. Lily pressed a little harder, and the stretch and the sharp pleasure combined, sweeping her up in a fierce bliss that had her arching into Sev's grip, blind and shaking.

They lay entangled for a long time, saying nothing; nothing needed to be said. Sev's head was heavy on Lily's arm, his midnight eyes wide and solemn and wondering; his free hand wandered slowly along her skin, smoothing her hip, ghosting over her lips, brushing back her hair. Lily breathed in the scent of him, of herself, and let her palm rest on his chest, just over his heart.

She was perfectly, calmly happy.

Eventually her eyelids grew too heavy to keep open. On the edge of sleep, she felt Sev's lips against each one, a feathery touch, and then his whisper, soft and reverent.

" _Mine."_

She might have taken offence, but Lily knew it was simply a fair trade. He had always been hers, after all.

Sleep came on the tide of his breath against her cheek, and Lily let it take her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Cincoflex for supporting my (in)sanity, and to Trialia for Britpicking! Some of this chapter never passed under her eagle eye, so any errors are my fault.
> 
> I do apologize for the tardiness of this chapter. Really, I'm usually much better at sticking to a posting schedule! *eyeroll*

Waking was a revelation.

Severus hadn't been that deeply asleep, for various reasons, but the oblivion had been enough for him to forget exactly where he was. Opening his eyes to the sight of Lily mere inches away, sound asleep and gloriously nude, was a miracle to match her kisses earlier.

_I wasn't dreaming._

He could have looked at her forever. Lily had turned in her sleep; now she lay on her stomach, one arm shoved beneath the pillow and her hair in her face—completely undignified and utterly adorable.

He was still trying to assimilate what they'd done. Certainly making love with Lily had always been a desire, a wish, a wistful hope, but he hadn't imagined it happening quite so _soon_.

No. He hadn't dared _believe_ that it might. In Severus' experience, good things rarely materialised, and when they did they seldom lasted long. Having Lily's love was in a sense so foreign that he still half-expected it to be snatched away somehow.

_But she gave herself to me. Isn't that proof that she wants to stay?_

It was almost too much to take in. His dreams had always conveniently skipped a mutual unveiling; he'd avoided the thought of his scars as assiduously as he avoided the House-mates he'd once called friends, unable to bear the thought of Lily's face creasing with disgust at the sight of his back.

But she hadn't been disgusted; no, she'd somehow understood, and beyond that, she'd carried him through it into a bliss his imagination had never reached.

Severus had to close his eyes at the memory, remembered ecstasy shivering through him. Her touch had been intoxicating, her kisses incendiary; sliding into her body had been…well, he didn't have words for that, or for watching her face as they moved together, or for her expression when she climaxed.

But he was hungry for all of them, now. He wanted to feel that way again, to glory in her body, to caress her until she gave that enticing squeak and then to continue until she moaned and came apart in his arms.

Severus propped up his head on one hand and watched Lily breathe, the slow inhalations of sleep. He blessed the warmth of the room that required no cover, though the fire was low now, and took in details he had never had the chance to see before—the way her legs met her backside, the beautiful hollow of her spine, the enticing swell of her breast where she lay on it.

But looking wasn't enough, and now…now he had permission to _touch_.

 _And I don't know where to start_. Severus felt an unfamiliar grin stretching his mouth, the silly sort he would normally never permit, but he didn't care. _It's Lily, it's Lily and she let me…_

Actually, _letting_ hadn't been much involved, at least until late, but Severus was hardly going to complain. A determined Lily was very hard to resist...and besides he could return the favour later.

_Or perhaps now._

Leaning over her, he inhaled, testing the remnants of the perfume he'd created for her, mixed with the scents of sweat and sex—organic, but not unpleasant. That ruddy perfume had become an aphrodisiac all on its own, melding with her mood and arousal, and Severus made a mental note to add that to its list of properties.

He thought about starting with her back. The memory of her kisses on his own was still searingly strong, each touch of her mouth breaking his heart and healing it, and he shuddered at the recollection, closing his eyes again. _How does she always know what to do?_ She'd taken the shame away as if a kiss really could break a curse, and now the thought of her seeing his nakedness was only exciting, not humiliating as well.

But in the end he moved down the bed instead, to admire the swells of her calves and the soft strength of her thighs, and to allow his fingertips to ghost over the silky skin and the firm muscle beneath. A kiss in the hollow of her knee made her stir and murmur, and Severus let his tongue trace the hint of salt there, wondering how so plebeian a spot could be so enticing.

Her backside was even more so. Severus had touched _that_ before, albeit through clothing, in a few of their more involved snogging sessions, but seeing it was a new experience. It demanded kisses, and he supplied them, rubbing his cheek against the curve in a sudden unfamiliar surge of playfulness. It was when he talked himself into nibbling that tempting area between her thighs and her bottom that she spoke, voice sleepy and amused. "Are you biting my arse?"

Severus didn't dignify the question with an answer, simply smirking against her skin. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mmmmm." Lily stretched luxuriously, but when she began to turn over Severus placed a quick hand on the small of her back.

"Not yet." He looked up her body to where she was peering at him through a tangle of hair. "I want to…"

She made an interrogative noise but didn't argue, and Severus took that as permission and went back to his exploration. The length of her spine was calling to him, and he kissed that too, branching out to taste the tender twitching skin on either side and taking deep joy in the small sounds she made, murmurs and chirps of pleasure. The nape of her neck led him to her shoulder, and then she was rolling over and reaching for him. "Sev—"

He captured her hands and pressed one gently back to the mattress. "No. Still my turn." And her protest trailed off when he pressed his lips to the centre of her palm and then followed the veins along her wrist.

It was wondering delight to learn her so, to explore the softness of her inner arm and nuzzle the warmth of her throat, to touch and taste her breasts again and reaffirm the velvet of her belly. It was doubly a wonder to watch her pleased amusement shift entirely to pleasure, to see her mouth fall open for deeper breaths of arousal and her eyes grow dark with it. When he stroked his hands up her thighs, Lily's fingers tightened on the sheet below her, and Severus felt a surge of absolute triumph. "Open for me, Lily," he said. "Let me see."

She turned even pinker, but slowly her legs parted. Severus bit his lip hard, because touching Lily had aroused him as well, but he did his best to ignore the clamour of his body. _I want to see her, to know her…how can I please her if I don't know her?_ She'd been pleased enough before, that had been obvious, but Severus wanted to be _sure_.

Now that secret, delicious cove was revealed to him, as flushed as her face and as vulnerable. Severus reached out and let his fingertips brush the soft curls just above. This was foreign ground; what felt good on his body, he assumed, would feel good on hers, but the territory here was different. He looked back up to Lily's face, noting in passing the speed of the pulse in her throat. "How should I touch you?"

He expected her to demonstrate, but instead she bit her lip, then pulled him down beside her, took his hand in hers, and _showed_ him. Severus had to swallow at the feel of soft slickness, of blood-warmth and the faint flutters of her muscles, and it took all his concentration to focus on her instruction instead of just wallowing in the sensation, the scent of her, the way her words trailed off into gasping little moans. She was _magnificent_ , utterly captivating, and he was dizzy with the knowledge that it was _he_ that was pleasing her so, making her squirm and tremble and arch against his hand. His own pulses were throbbing, demanding more than just touch, but he ignored them, and then Lily was reaching for him. "Kiss me, please, kiss me—"

He obeyed, and as if his lips were the trigger she stiffened, that adorable squeak half-muffled against him, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Severus wanted to shout in triumph, but he settled for the kiss and for savouring her hard shudders.

Lily went limp, then pushed his hand away. "Too much," she muttered, panting, but before he could panic she rolled into his arms again, tucking her head into his shoulder. "Ohh, Sev, we should have done this ages ago."

He chuckled, he couldn't help it, and rubbed his face in her hair, trying to distract himself from his impatient body. _She's what's important right now…and anyway she has to be sore, I know that was her first time—_

His thoughts scattered as Lily's hand began drawing slow circles on his chest. "Soon as I get my breath back, it's my turn," she said, kissing his clavicle.

Severus managed to keep his voice level even when her tongue ran warm across the ridge of bone. "I, ah…I think your turn will last about thirty seconds just now."

"Hmm?" She looked up, still a little dazed, then down between them. "Oh! Well…" And she smiled, suddenly all mischief. "My turn _later_ then."

Her hand slid down to grasp him lightly, and Severus heard a strangled sound for a second before realising it was his own voice. _"Lily…"_

"Now _you_ show _me,_ " she ordered happily, and he never could deny her anything, so he wrapped his hand around hers and obeyed. The sensation was unbelievable, far more intense than his own touch, and Severus' focus narrowed down to nothing more than Lily's grip and the lightning surging through him. Soon he was gasping, eyes squeezed shut, and Lily kissed his shoulder.

" _Show me,"_ she whispered in his ear, her meaning clear. And with that he was lost, ecstasy storming over him until he could neither hear nor breathe.

She held him afterwards when he couldn't move, laughing softly to herself in sheer joy, and all he could think was _I will do anything for you. Anything at all._

Because pleasing him delighted her, and for that gift alone his heart was at her feet.

* * *

Their time at the cottage was like nothing Severus had ever experienced, and it wasn't just because of making love with Lily. It was the sort of domesticity he'd glimpsed in the Evans household, that he knew in theory existed—a peaceful living together, contentment instead of fighting and a smile instead of a frown when someone entered a room. There was no need to be wary or to hide. He felt almost like a hermit crab without its shell, defenceless for the first time in years but gradually accepting that the defences weren't needed—not there.

They worked on his recipes together, though Lily seemed to have a sixth sense for when he just needed time to be alone; they took turns cooking meals but did the washing-up spells together. They went for walks up onto the moor, Lily picking the heather to dry for later; a snogging session behind a tor turned into something more, ending up with the two of them half-naked in the boulder's lee—Severus nervous but enchanted and Lily laughing at their boldness until he made her whimper instead.

They spent the evenings reading or talking, or both, and the nights in the same bed, learning how to please one another until sleep overtook them. He felt the same way he had when she had first kissed him—as if his starveling soul was finding abundance at last, love enough to quiet even his long hunger.

Part of him wished they could stay there forever, just the two of them doing what they loved best, but he knew better. _This_ _ **is**_ _just a dream, a glimpse of what could be._

But he was beginning to believe that it could become real.

* * *

Lily spun to a stop and glanced around cautiously, but as usual the back garden was empty. She blessed her parents' inattention that let it get so shaggy even in winter, and stepped up to the back door, unlocking it swiftly and stepping inside.

The faint smell of coffee told her that someone was home as surely as the lights on in the hall. Lily locked the door behind her and shed her coat. "Hallo?"

The only reply was a thump from upstairs, and Lily rolled her eyes, muffling a sigh. "Nice to see you're home, Tuney," she called, without enthusiasm. She hadn't really expected anything else, but it still hurt a little.

Nor was the reception any warmer when she climbed the stairs and poked her head into her sister's room. Petunia was half-lost amidst a blizzard of fabric samples and spared her little more than an impatient glare. "It's about time you got here."

"I'm early, actually," Lily pointed out wearily. Petunia ignored that and kept shuffling through her scraps, every jerky movement illustrating her irritation. Lily perched on the edge of a frilly boudoir chair and wondered bleakly how they had managed to grow so far apart. Oh, she knew _why,_ but no matter her efforts she couldn't seem to reverse the distance that her magic had put between them.

"I'm here," Lily said finally, her own irritation growing. She might have promised a day of her holiday to her sister's wedding preparation, but that didn't mean she was going to just sit and let the time slide by. "What do you need me to do?"

"Just a few _little_ things," Petunia rapped out, snatching up a list and flourishing it. "There's so much to do—"

"Tuney, you've got two more months!" Lily protested, and was surprised when Petunia burst into tears.

"I _know!"_ she wailed. "And I still have so much left—it has to be _perfect_ , you know—"

Softening, Lily sat down on the bed next to her, careless of the scraps, and put her arms around her sister. "It will be. Come on, Tuney, it's all right. We'll make it work."

Petunia's tears dried quickly, but Lily knew her sister well enough to tell the difference between real and crocodile. They set out for London in a fragile charity with one another, and Lily gritted her teeth and hung onto it as Petunia burbled her way through bridal shops and fabric stores. She nodded her head to a bridesmaid dress that clashed horribly with her hair, knowing that whatever Petunia chose wasn't going to suit Lily in the least, and finally dragged her sister to a teashop for some desperately needed sustenance.

"You know, Lily," Petunia said sententiously as they sat, "you should begin thinking about settling down yourself."

Lily snorted. "Oh really?"

Petunia nodded. "I hate to say it, dear, but you're going to have trouble finding a husband who'll put up with your...condition...as it is. Best to find someone while you're still young."

"I'm eighteen," Lily pointed out drolly, not bothering to mention her relationship with Sev. It had met with cautious approval from her parents, but Petunia's method of coping with it seemed to be to ignore the fact that it existed, and most of the time Lily found it easier to just not argue. _It's not as though I want to hear the lectures. Or the insults._

"Exactly," Petunia said, oblivious. "And you'll need a man to look after you as soon as you leave that dreadful school."

"Hmm." Lily hid her smile behind her sandwich. _As if I need_ _ **anyone**_ _to look after me—_

"A good provider," Petunia lectured. "Someone steady who can keep you in a nice home in a nice neighbourhood."

Lily bit her tongue on the suggestion that the "nice home" should be right next door to Petunia. _Oh, the horror._ If and when she went out on her own, Lily thought, it would be in a _wizarding_ neighbourhood, thank you very much, someplace where her true nature—and there was only a small pang of guilt at the thought—didn't have to hide.

 _ **Our**_ _true natures._ And she blinked at the realisation that somehow her vaguely-imagined future home for one now held two.

_...Oh._

Before she could pursue the enticing thought, Petunia's voice broke in again. "After all, you'll want children soon, and—"

"Not children. Not yet," Lily interrupted firmly. "And what makes you think I'll stay home and look after the house, Tuney?"

Her sister's look of bafflement had her torn between frustration and laughter. _She'll never understand._ There was no point in even beginning to explain the concept of an Auror, let alone why Lily might want to be one.

Shaking off the frustration, she went for a diversionary tactic. "Tell me about the groomsmen again. I'm still a little confused."

It worked; Petunia was off again, and Lily ate her meal and let the endless lists and details wash over her, and wondered fondly whether Sev had remembered to get his own lunch.

 _Just a few more hours,_ she promised him silently, and smiled to herself.

* * *

After the very long day, Lily was grateful to Apparate back to Yorkshire and the cottage. Throughout the day, Petunia had never bothered to ask Lily how the latter was spending her holiday or even where she was staying, but for Lily it was a relief, because she didn't have to explain. Getting away from her sister was like shutting off a leaking faucet—the endless, maddening monologue on wedding preparation was gone, replaced by blessed silence and the feel of the cold spring breeze on her cheeks. Lily lingered on the back step for a few minutes, just enjoying the peace.

The estrangement made her tired, and it made her sad. But she could only see one way to heal the breach completely, and she knew that she would never be able to give up magic and all that went with it. _It's a part of me. It always has been._

And if Petunia couldn't deal with that...well. Lily knew it pained her parents, but they weren't willing to push the issue with Petunia, and frankly Lily wasn't either. _But she'll be busy soon with her own home. Once the wedding's over—_

It wasn't that she didn't understand Petunia's dream, Lily thought, watching the last bit of sun slip down under the horizon. A husband, a home, children, the sort of status that came with the sort of solid middle-class family that her parents had created—there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

_It's just not what I want. Not like Petunia does, anyway._

And once the wedding was past and the pressure gone, things would be much more peaceful in the Evans household. Their father had joked about having to do it all over again when Lily chose to get married, no matter how often she told them she intended to become an Auror. Lily puffed a laugh and brushed back a breeze-caught strand of hair. _The two aren't mutually exclusive, though..._

It was an interesting thought. Lily put it aside for the moment and tapped the lock with her wand, slipping into the dim kitchen and shutting the door behind her. "Sev?"

There was no answer, and she frowned. The entire cottage seemed dark with dusk's onset, and it worried her. Lily walked through the kitchen quickly and flipped on the hall light. "Sev? Are you here?"

 _Maybe he just went out for an ingredient,_ she told herself; the wards on the cottage were undisturbed. _Or went for a walk, or—_

She saw Sev as soon as she walked into the front bedroom, and the breath went out of her in relief. He lay sprawled across the neatly made bed, shirtless and sound asleep, and Lily felt a helpless smile curve her lips at the sight. She lit her wand with a whispered _Lumos_ rather than click on the electric lights, and tiptoed closer.

For all the hours they'd spent in bed together, now, Lily still rarely saw Sev actually sleeping. He always seemed to stay awake a bit longer, and when she woke he was usually either up already, or lying peacefully next to her to watch her sleep.

_Well. Turn about..._

His skin gleamed ivory in the soft light; his hair was sable, his lashes and brows smudges of soot. Lily paused to admire the lean strength of his torso, its swell and sink barely perceptible as he breathed. He had the build of a dancer or an acrobat, smooth skin that was surprisingly soft, the odd scar here and there on his arms and hands—mostly old burns and cuts from Potions work. Her mouth watered just looking at him.

Lily set down her wand and shrugged out of her jacket, draping it over the chair by the window and toeing off her shoes. Grinning, she walked back to the bed, and reached out to touch Sev's cheek.

The instant her fingertips brushed his skin, Sev flinched violently, and his hand whipped up to grab her wrist. Lily yipped, startled, and his eyes sprang open, wide and—frightened?

"It's just me," she managed. "Sev, it's me!"

He blinked, then croaked an oath. "Lily?"

"Sorry. Sev, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" She sat down on the edge of the bed. "Are you all right?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed out, then nodded. Lily relaxed, and twisted her wrist in his grip. "Good. Let go, that's too tight."

"Oh—" He released her, face creasing in concern, and Lily laid her palm against his cheek.

"It's fine. Are you really okay?"

Sev pressed her hand closer, eyes closing again. "I am now."

Lily hid her frown. She didn't know if his hair-trigger stemmed from living in the Slytherin dormitory or from his life at home, but she could tell that now wasn't the time to ask. "I really am sorry, Sev. I meant to wake you up, but not like that."

His eyes didn't open, but his mouth tilted up in a smile. "I could go back to sleep."

Lily chuckled, and leaned down to brush her lips over his. He returned the kiss gently, arm snaking up to wrap around her shoulders and tug her down to him for a longer caress.

"Are you hungry?" Lily asked softly after a while.

Sev's head moved on the comforter next to hers, a shake. "No, I had lunch late." He sighed, and sat up slowly. "I had a surprise all planned for you. If I hadn't fallen asleep—"

"Mmm." Lily stretched, amused and pleased when Sev's attention fixed on her. "What kind of surprise?"

Sev squinted at the clock on the dresser and brightened. "Actually, it's not as late as I thought." He leaned over to pick up his wand from the bedside table. "Close your eyes."

Curious, Lily obeyed, and then smirked when Sev picked up her hands and laid them over her eyes. "Don't you trust me not to peek?"

"No," he said drily, and she had to laugh. She lay in the darkness and felt him slide off the bed, listened to his voice traveling around the room in mutters she couldn't quite make out; the feel of magic was palpable, a brush of energy against her senses. Then the magic moved down over her in a gentle caress, and she allowed it, feeling her clothing shift and change around her.

"Now you may look," Sev said at last, sounding satisfied. Lily pulled her hands away and opened her eyes.

The dim white light of her wand had been superseded by the golden warmth of candles. The wild scent of heather filled the room; in the candles' glow she could see sprigs of it everywhere, woven into the ivy vines that seemed to have sprung from nothing. Tiny sparks of light moved through the leaves, wings flickering, and Lily drew in a delighted breath. "It's lovely!"

Sev's smile was pride, and relief beneath. "I thought you might like it."

Lily shook her head, gazing around the enchanted bower the room had become. "How did you get the fairies here? It's nowhere near Christmas."

"Trade secret." He was looking at her, and Lily realised that instead of her practical blouse and jeans she was now wearing a witch's robe—one made of spring-green gauze, a fairy garment to fit her surroundings. She laughed, and smoothed her palms over the fabric.

"This is lovely too. Sev, how long did it take you to plan this?"

"Not too long. The fairies were the trickiest part." He folded his arms, wand held casually in one hand. "Lily..."

She looked up at him, and was struck again. Asleep, Sev was sweet, his guarded features relaxed; but now, gilded by the candlelight and looking down at her with eyes wide and dark with adoration, he was irresistible. Lily drank in the moment with all her perception, light and scent and the faint tinkle of fairy voices, and put it safely into her memory to keep—this space of time, this beauty created just for her.

_Oh, Sev._

She smiled, and held out her hands.

Neither of them noticed when the fairies flew away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much gratitude to Cincoflex and Trialia for looking after this one!
> 
> Note: this chapter includes a mild suggestion of sexual assault. Please read responsibly.

She had been quiet all the damp afternoon. It was making him nervous.

There were just a few days left in their holiday, and Severus was already regretting the coming return to Hogwarts. Their time alone felt like a dream to him, rich and almost unreal, and the idea of going back to the clamour and crowding of school seemed like sacrilege.

But nothing could last forever, particularly idylls in hidden cottages. And it seemed to Severus as though Lily were growing—not bored, exactly, but discontented. She had been preoccupied that morning, almost snapping at him when he'd enquired why, and though she'd apologised at once the incident had put a cold knot in Severus' stomach. And while she'd helped him after lunch in his makeshift lab, Lily had said almost nothing, lips moving soundlessly as she counted stirs and pressed shut as she labeled bottles.

Now, Lily lay stretched out on the bedroom rug, staring into the evening fire instead of reading. Severus held his own book without looking at the words, fighting fear. All his courage seemed to have deserted him, and all his doubts—illogical as he knew them to be— were rising up like spectres. _What if this is just a fling for her, and she's trying to decide how to tell me? What if she wants to leave me when we leave Hogwarts? What if—_

"We need to talk," Lily said, and Severus jumped, his heart sinking at the flat tone of her voice. His fingers tightened whitely on the book, and his voice deserted him.

Lily sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees, face solemn. Her hair was loose and the rain had made it curl, so it caught the firelight in gleams of gold and red as though flame itself haloed her. Severus thought she had never looked so lovely. "Sev…what do you want?"

He stared at her, unable to quite grasp the question. It took two swallows before he could force his voice to work. "In what context?"

She gave him an impatient look. " _Us._ What plans do you have?"

Plans? He didn't have plans. He had wishes, dreams, some fragile, carefully tended hopes, but no _plans._ Panicked, he struggled for words. "I…I…anything you want, Lily, is what I want."

It wasn't true, of course; if she wanted to end things he thought he might _die_ , but he couldn't think of anything else.

"That's not a real answer," she said, frowning. "Come on, Sev, you're the logical one—"

The book slipped from his shaking hands, tumbling off his lap, and Severus flinched at the sharp noise as it hit the floor. Lily frowned more deeply and scrambled up, dropping onto the couch beside him and wrapping her hands around his. "What's the matter? Are you sick?"

He couldn't reply. He could only stare down at her fingers, so delicate compared to his own; at the wrists whose slenderness belied their strength. She'd dabbed some of his perfume there that morning; he could still detect it, a subtle thread of all that was Lily, sweet and strong together. _I can't—I can't—Lily—_

" _Sev."_ She laid a palm on his forehead, then reached for her wand and cast a diagnostic spell. "No fever…what is it? Sev, please—"

The distress in her voice finally loosened his tongue, and Severus bent over the hand still holding his, pressing his cheek to it. "Don't leave me," he said, speaking the words against her skin. "That's what I want. I want you to stay—"

The last word squeaked through his tight throat, and he closed his eyes, humiliated, terrified, unable to pull himself from the strange whirlpool of emotion. Over his head, Lily said a very bad word.

Then her free hand was warm under his chin, forcing his head up until he had to look at her. She was angry, her eyes glittered with it, but at the same time she looked…soft.

" _Severus."_ The use of his full name shocked him into meeting her gaze square on. "I _love_ you. I _want_ to be with you. That is what this whole time has been about. Are you listening to me?"

Hypnotised, he nodded dumbly. Lily's grip on his jaw tightened a fraction. "You have to lose the doubt, Sev. You need to trust me if we're going to make this work. _I_ trust _you_ , or I wouldn't be here."

The stern line of her mouth curled up, a tiny wry smile, and she leaned forward to brush her lips across his. "I know you aren't used to being happy, but you're going to have to learn." Another gentle, fleeting kiss. "Things are different now. We're together, and _we're going to be happy_."

Happy.

He _believed_ her. Just like that, his gut relaxed and the fear dissipated. Severus closed the space between them to kiss her, the sort of kiss he had wanted to give her since he had first understood what kissing meant—a possession, a supplication, a seal. It seemed to go on for a tiny eternity, wherein nothing was real but Lily's sweet answering, and then he was panting against her shoulder and her arms were tight around him, holding him through the shudders of reaction.

It was some time later that he was calm enough to consider her question properly. The fire looked a little bizarre at the sideways angle, but Lily's lap was a wonderfully comfortable pillow and her fingers stroking through his hair were pure bliss. She was the one purring, a low hum of contentment from time to time, and Severus let his hand wrap around her calf for the comfort of it.

"I want this," he said at last, rolling over so that he could see her face but unwilling to move any further. "I want a hearth and a rug and a bed, and you."

Lily grinned down at him. "So, you want a house."

"Or a flat. I doubt we could afford a house, at first." It astonished him that they were talking so practically about a future, as if it were something solid they could touch, but the idea was enticing—distilling his vague dreams of _always-Lily_ to imagining suppers, arguments, potions and books in a real, definitive space.

"True. Pay during Auror training is measly. And apprenticing is no better." Her fingers stroked his forehead now, easing the fine tension away.

"But I'll have income from the patents soon." Modest, perhaps, but Severus fully expected his recipes to find a market. "Between the two of us we can manage, I think."

Lily smiled, and he took her other hand, folding their fingers together and bringing them to rest over his heart. "Mum and Dad won't understand," she went on, smile going wry again. "Mum thinks I should be planning how many kids to have, and Dad still harbours the delusion that I should try for uni."

"You could," Severus said, trying to be fair. "You've the brains for it."

Her grin acknowledged the compliment, but she shook her head. "I haven't the credentials—as far as the Muggle world's concerned, I haven't been to school since I was ten. Besides, I don't want to spend more time in school when there are more important things to do."

 _Like fighting the Dark Lord._ Severus repressed a shudder. If it were up to him, he would gather Lily up and take her somewhere where Voldemort's growing power would never find her. But while he knew himself to be selfish, he also understood that there were battles he could never win. Lily was determined to fight the looming evil, and there would be no dissuading her.

 _Besides, you love that flame in her, admit it._ For all her defiance frightened him for her safety, it was also part of what drew him to her. _She is the light against the darkness; she is hope._

And as one who had spent far too much time in darkness, he understood the need to push against it. _I crave her brightness like I crave her love; if I could feed from it I would_.

Fortunately for him, she not only gave generously, but her giving never seemed to diminish her. He could have what he needed and never see her grow dim.

_At least, not if it is within my power to prevent it._

Severus lifted her hand and kissed her pulse point, just because he could. Lily chuckled quietly and resumed stroking his hair, but there was tension around her mouth. "What is it?" he asked.

"Oh, it's just—" She grimaced. "I know nobody cares any more, but my parents are going to have a fit about us—what's that term? _Shacking up_ together." She sighed.

Severus blinked, mind speeding. Everything he'd received this evening felt like an undeserved gift, and asking for more seemed like tempting Fate. And yet—

He reached up to touch her chin, to lay his fingers in the hollow of her throat. "Then let us marry."

Lily's eyes went as round as an owl's. "You—you want to?"

"If you do." Which again wasn't the whole truth, but he didn't think blind pleading would make her agree. "You said, we are together. You asked me what I want, Lily—I want…I would like to be your husband."

It was a dream, an old and cherished one, but like so many of his dreams he had never truly believed it could become real. Yes, he wanted Lily to belong to him; but more than that, he wanted to belong to _her_.

She stared down at him so long that doubt began to stir, but before he could open his mouth to apologise she breathed out. "A wizarding marriage," she said firmly. "Wand-binding."

"Of course." The relief, the joy, the _glee_ that ran through him were, Severus hoped, reasonably distilled down to the smile he gave her.

"And _no party._ " The jut of her chin made his grin widen.

"Since when have I enjoyed socialising?" he asked, running a finger beneath the collar of her top.

Lily relaxed at that, and chuckled. "Sorry. Tuney's bridal hysteria is giving me hives."

Severus rolled his eyes. He'd glimpsed a mere fraction of her sister's monomania, and pitied those who had to live in the same house with her just now. "Will your parents object to the wizarding ceremony?"

Lily screwed up her mouth again, though her chin set stubbornly. "They might."

Severus dropped his hand and shrugged. "We could have a registry wedding as well, if that would soothe them."

"Hmm. We can keep that in reserve, then."

He nodded again, pushing a little against her hand until she resumed stroking. He respected Lily's parents—her mother in particular had always been kind to him—and the idea of causing a rift between them and Lily made him a touch queasy.

"I think we had better wait until autumn anyway," Lily said thoughtfully. "If I spend the summer at home I can save that much more."

"That's so." Severus half-closed his eyes in gentle contentment. His apprenticeship with Slughorn was to begin a month after term ended, but he'd already arranged to just stay on at Hogwarts even if it meant beginning his duties rather ahead of time. _Better that than going home._

In fact—liberating thought—it _wasn't_ home any longer. If he removed the last few of his possessions there, he need never return unless he wanted to. Hogwarts could serve as his home until autumn, and then—

"What do _you_ want?" he asked. "Does that suit? Or do you dream of more?"

"It's quite enough to be getting on with," Lily replied easily. "I want to make a difference in the world, to start _doing_. And I want to do it with you."

He could never explain to her how extraordinary her simple statement made him feel. "What, no instantaneous grandchildren for your mother to dote upon?" he teased lightly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Tuney will take care of that soon enough, it doesn't need me too."

Severus chuckled again and shut his own eyes for a long minute. Lily's wariness around small children was a running joke amongst her friends. Since Severus felt much the same way, he felt he could afford to smile about it. _Heaven help whatever spawn Petunia brings forth, however._ He'd met her fiancé exactly once, and had no desire to repeat the experience.

Her nudge on his shoulder made him look up again. "Come on, get up," Lily told him.

"Mm? What is it?" Severus sat up, sorry for the loss of comfort and closeness.

Lily pulled up her legs and knelt sideways on the sofa. "If we're going to get married, we should do the betrothal spell." She summoned her wand from the floor with a muttered _Accio_ , her face lit.

 _Oh._ Severus gaped at her for a moment, surprised by her haste, and her smile faltered. The mere sight made his heart twist, and he pulled his wand from its pocket, shifting to match her posture. _"Yes."_

That brought back all her confidence, and she beamed at him. "Doesn't this require witnesses?" Severus asked, extending his wand delicately until the tip rested over her heart.

"To be _legally_ binding, yes." Lily mirrored his movement, her wand the slightest pressure against his shirt. "Not to be _magically_ binding."

He couldn't stop the grin that was answering her own. Lily was about to _promise_ to stay with him. With _him_.

It felt like paradise.

The _Fides_ spell wasn't taught at Hogwarts, but it showed up in books and drama all the time and it wasn't difficult. They traded the words softly, the magic shimmering down through their wands, and Severus swore he could feel it winding around his heart, warm tendrils of promise. The spell was sealed when they leaned forward and kissed, magic sparking between their lips and making them jump and laugh.

She was so beautiful in the dying firelight, all joy and elation, and Severus barely took the time to set his wand aside before seizing her shoulders and pulling her in for a deeper kiss. The sound that escaped her aroused him in a second flat, that soft, excited noise that he had grown to love dearly, and Lily squirmed closer, pulling his shirt loose from his trousers.

It wasn't just lust, nor just the simple enjoyment of each other that they had played with; it was a desire to be _close_ , to affirm the promise they had just made. To prove their faith, Severus thought dizzily as he pulled her down on top of him.

It was easier, now that they knew what they were doing, and slow because there was no need to hurry. Severus stripped Lily of her clothing without using a charm, wanting to feel her skin as he revealed it, every soft-glowing inch; and he kissed all that he could reach, revelling in her purrs and squirms. She did the same for him, nibbling and stroking, her hair an added caress whenever she bent her head, and part of him wanted the world to end right then, because nothing could ever be better than this.

… _She's going to marry me._

Well, perhaps there _was_ a better.

He coaxed her to straddle him, thankful that the couch was wide enough to permit it, and delighted in her moan as she took him into herself. She was glory itself, perched over him and moving slowly, and he let his hands worship her from lips to breasts to stomach and below, greedy and rapturous. Lily smiled down at him, catching his hands in a warm clasp as his hips lifted, but soon she was bending to kiss him. "You're so beautiful," she muttered between touches, "so beautiful—" and he couldn't find words to argue.

"I love you," he whispered. "Ahh… _Lily!_ " The magic seemed to grow stronger as he climaxed, as if to pull their hearts together, and he gave his up without hesitation as she trembled and cried out.

They spent the night where they were, unwilling to separate long enough to move to the bedroom. Severus knew the coming days would be difficult, with the two of them in separate Houses and privacy in very short supply, but with the promise binding them he thought he could face anything.

_She is mine and I am hers._

_That's all I need._

* * *

"Good to see you, love." The cashier in the market gave Lily a smile as she set the milk into Lily's grocery sack. "Like clockwork, you are."

Lily smiled back. "It's a nice walk," she said, not mentioning that it would be the last such, and paid the woman before taking the bag of groceries and nodding goodbye. She'd ended up making a trip every third day into the little village for supplies, but what she'd said was true—it was a pleasant walk, not far at all, and it gave her a chance to glance over the papers and have a quick chat if she wanted one. Sev was content to spend their time with just her, but Lily needed more contact.

 _Not too much more._ She set out on the path for the cottage, the narrow track paralleling the road and skirting the edge of the moor. Being so isolated would eventually have palled for her, but for the time they had had it was perfect. The walk was enough to stretch her legs, and Sev would often meet her halfway back—if he pulled his head out of his cauldron in time.

Lily wandered along, humming and taking her time. The spring day was cool but had enough sun to coax the flowers into giving up their scent, and when she passed into the narrow gap cut through a tangle of gorse she inhaled the coconut scent with pleasure.

She was just wondering what Sev would decide to make for lunch when a rumbling growl had her halting.

Reflexes cut in and Lily grabbed for her wand, hidden in her sleeve, but before her fingers could close on it something _hit_ her from behind and she went down, hands smacking hard onto the path and barely saving her head from a blow. Her bag went flying from her grasp.

Frightened and frantic, Lily managed to roll over, only to find herself face to jaw with the biggest black dog she'd ever seen. It planted one front paw on either side of her and leaned closer, growling louder and fixing gleaming eyes on hers.

She froze, certain the beast was about to sink its teeth into her face or throat. It was _huge,_ almost bigger than she was, and it smelled rank, like a dog left to run wild, though it seemed too bulky to be living by its wits. Adrenaline urged her to shove it away, to fight and escape, but terror held her in place. _Maybe if I don't move it won't—_

The hairy form shimmered, blurred, and _changed._ Lily gaped as the dog disappeared, replaced by wide shoulders, dark hair, and a handsome, sneering face—a _familiar_ sneering face.

"How _dare_ you scare me like that?" Lily snapped up at Sirius Black, reaching across her body for her wand, furious and still half-frightened. Black, now kneeling over her, made a quick grab, and the fear swelled again when Lily found her wrists pinned to the ground on either side of her head.

"Nice try, Evans," Black growled, his voice not that different from that of his Animagus form. "But not good enough."

"Get _off,_ you prat," Lily said angrily, tugging uselessly at his grip. "Did James put you up to this? Let me up!"

"Oh, I don't think so." Black leaned in again, just as alarming, and Lily barely suppressed the urge to cringe away. "No, we're going to have a little chat, you and I." He grinned down at her nastily.

"I have nothing to say to you," Lily said stiffly, trying to summon the concentration for a wandless spell. She'd never been good at them—

"Nice hiding spot," Black said as if she hadn't spoken. "James and I, we've been looking for you for days. A love nest with your greasy Slytherin, eh?"

"Days? That would explain the smell," Lily retorted. _Sev! If they've done something to Sev I will tear them into_ _ **pieces**_ _—_

Black sneered. "You threw James over for _that_. It's unbelievable!"

"James Potter is as big a prat as you are." Lily glared up at him. "He _lied_ to me. He's a bully and a coward!"

Black's lips drew back to expose his teeth. "He's better than any Slytherin ever born, you snake-lover. Are you trying to get in good with the Death Eaters, is that what this is about? Stupid, Evans, that won't save you—"

"I would _never—_ " Lily sputtered.

"If you'll lie with a snake you'll lie with anything," Black went on, ignoring her words. Gloating, he leaned down to drag his tongue up her cheek, chuckling as she tried to twist away in disgust. "Tasty."

 _No!_ Lily began struggling in earnest, panic lending her strength, but Black leaned harder on her wrists and settled his weight on her legs. "Relax," he taunted her. " _I_ have standards. I think…I think I'll just have a little bite instead, so every time you look in the mirror you'll remember what happened when you dumped James." He laughed. "Will your snake still rut after you when you're ugly, Evans?"

With that he transformed again, his dog-form no lighter and his heavy claws digging painfully into her wrists. Snarling, he opened his jaws, teeth gleaming—


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much gratitude to Cincoflex and Trialia for looking after this one!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!

Severus warded the cottage door carefully and headed out through the garden, taking note of the tentative new growth and idly plotting what he would do if the land were his. He liked the cottage very much, more for its isolation than the building itself, and now he felt free to dream of what it might be like to share such a place with Lily on a permanent basis.

He tucked the thought away for later, and latched the sagging garden gate behind him before setting off down the path towards the village. Lily would be on her way back by now, and he wanted to meet her and share the walk, to spend just that much more of their precious time together. There was only one more day left, and—

" _Petrificus totalis!"_

His reflexes had his wand dropping from his sleeve to his hand, but as his fingers closed on the wood Severus felt his muscles stiffen into iron, and his yelp came out as a muffled grunt as he overbalanced and toppled hard to the ground. He landed on his side, unable to wince at the pain in his fingers, and—fortunately for his nose—fell backwards instead of forwards, ending up half-propped on the verge of the path. The position allowed him to see the figure that stepped onto the narrow path; his attacker wore casual Muggle clothing, but the messy hair and spectacles were instantly recognisable, as was the malicious smirk.

"Well, well, Snivellus. Surprised to see me?" James Potter crossed his arms in a blatant display of contempt, his wand poking back over his shoulder. Severus fumed in rage mixed with fear, but contrary to his expectations his other three tormentors didn't duck out from behind the hedge. Potter appeared to be alone.

Severus snarled silently, grateful on some level that his wand was still mostly up his sleeve; it would be just like Potter to take it away too. He glared at the other boy, daring him to speak.

"It's taken us a while to find you," Potter went on conversationally. "Nice little hidey hole, this." He tilted his head at the cottage. "Must belong to Evans; there's no way _your_ family could afford something like this."

The dig was so familiar that it barely registered; Severus had been hearing such things all his life. He kept his gaze on Potter, trying for calm, trying to think. The spell that kept him paralysed wouldn't last forever, but Potter surely had something foul in mind—

Potter frowned, focusing on Severus. "Here's how it's going to go, Snivellus. Evans is going to come running back here in a fright—Sirius is seeing to that. But—too bad—her _boyfriend_ won't be here."

If he hadn't already been paralysed Severus would have stiffened in horror. What was the swine going to do to Lily?

Potter crouched down to peer into Severus' face, amused cruelty quirking his mouth. "In fact, he'll be gone entirely, with all his things. And he'll leave her a note, telling her that he's changed his mind."

Severus stared back unblinking, vile oaths piling up in his head. _It would take Imperio to make me do that and even then I would fight you._

"And guess who'll be there to comfort poor Evans when she returns home?" Potter continued softly. "Poor betrayed girl. Should have known better than to trust a Slytherin."

 _I will kill you myself—_ Severus concentrated. Last year they had begun learning nonverbal spells, and he'd been quite good at them, but this was no classroom.

Potter toyed with his own wand. "If you're thinking you can explain later, don't bother," he said, voice colder. "By the time I'm finished, Evans won't even spit in your direction. She's _my_ girl, Snivellus. You need to remember that." He stood and pointed his wand at Severus. _"Mobilicorpus!"_

Severus felt himself rising into the air. Potter started back through the garden, pushing Severus' body along through the air like a stick on the surface of a river, and Severus held his breath, reaching, straining…

_Finite incatatum!_

Only an effort of will kept his muscles locked. Severus resumed breathing, hope surging along with a wild terror of what might be happening to Lily at that moment. Potter halted at the cottage's back door, letting Severus drop carelessly to the ground as he began poking at the wards.

Severus slid his wand the rest of the way into his hand, gripping it firmly, and in one smooth motion that belied his bruises, rolled over. " _Stupefy!"_

Potter crumpled like a rag doll. Severus pushed hastily to his feet, resisting the urge to kick Potter in the ribs in passing, and ripped down the wards long enough to float Potter inside and stuff him in the hall closet, nudging his attacker's wand away with one foot and letting it roll down the hall towards the front door. He set triple-strength lock spells on the door before tearing back out and down the path.

_Lily!_

* * *

Lily felt a scream building in her throat as Black leaned down, but before his jaws reached her a flash of silver lit them both. The monster above her flinched sideways, bounding off her and turning as if at bay. Lily gasped as a huge glowing stag halted at her side, lowering its antlers threateningly at Black. _A Patronus_ — _but who_ —

The dog's startlement ebbed, and it paced back towards her, growling. Lily fumbled for her wand again, hands gone numb from Black's grip; the enormous deer couldn't actually harm him. But before she could make her fingers work a harsh voice spoke from behind her, the spell crackling over her head. _"Sectumsempra!"_

Black yipped as it struck, and a long gash opened in his flank, spattering the path beneath him with crimson. Lily rolled over to see Sev pelting closer, wand extended and face contorted with fury. He slid to a stop next to her and leaned down, yanking her up into the circle of his arm and throwing another curse at the big dog.

Black dodged with a roar, hackles raised and eyes reddened with rage. Lily clung hard to Sev's arm around her waist, head spinning, watching as the Patronus charged the big dog, but Black held his ground and the stag dissolved into silver mist. _I have to_ —

Before she could clear her mind enough to form a defensive spell, the dog sprang forward. Sev's grip tightened, and he threw another of the hissing curses at Black, this time hitting a hairy foreleg. Black staggered, leaving bloody pawprints as he circled, but the rage in his maddened eyes did not abate.

"Give it up, Black," Sev shouted, voice distorted with equal fury. "Potter's lost and so have you!"

The big dog's snarl was chilling, but Lily finally forced her hands into motion, pulling her wand free and raising it even as Sev whipped his own through the air. The curse sliced halfway through Black's ear, and he howled in pain, shaking his head so that blood flew everywhere. He locked eyes with Sev, and for a breathless moment Lily thought he might charge them.

For the first time in her life, she readied a lethal spell.

Black broke. With a final snarl he spun and ran, limping out of sight and leaving a scarlet trail behind him. Within seconds they heard the _bang_ of a clumsy Disapparation.

Her knees weren't working correctly. Lily tried to straighten and stand on her own, but her legs buckled, and with a muttered oath Sev stuffed his wand into its pocket and pulled her into an embrace. He was shaking visibly, and his arms were so tight they hurt, but Lily hung on as best she could, knowing she was not only trembling herself but on the point of vomiting.

"Are you all right? Did he hurt you? Lily, Lily, say something—" Sev was babbling, but she couldn't spare breath to answer him. Lily buried her face in his shoulder, feeling like she'd found the only safe place in the world.

His grip tightened further, and then they were spinning, and she gritted her teeth on the nausea as they emerged in the cottage's kitchen. Sev shifted, lifting her off her feet with an ease that startled her slightly, and carried her into the living room, sinking down on the divan with her more or less in his lap. "Lily—"

"I'm all right," she managed to gasp, her arms still tight around his torso. "I'm all right."

His hard tension ebbed slightly, and Lily felt him press his face into her hair. Gradually Lily relaxed, trying to corral her emotions, but as her fear lessened her anger at Black rose. _How_ _ **dare**_ _he?_

Finally she lifted her head to meet Sev's worried gaze. He was white with either fear or residual fury, his eyes too black to see the pupil, and a strange shiver ran over Lily at the memory of what he'd done to the Animagus. _He did that to protect me._

_Oh._

She lifted a hand to stroke Sev's cheek. "You saved me. He was going to bite me and…" She ran out of air.

Sev's eyes widened further, and he turned his head to press his lips to her palm, but then jerked back with a gasp. "You _are_ hurt!"

Lily blinked, then yelped as he caught her hand and turned it over. Her wrist was bruised and bloody, the skin scraped from the dog's claws, and as if the sight were a trigger, she suddenly felt the pain.

Gently Sev took her other hand as well, snarling silently at the twinned injuries. Lily bit her lip; the claws hadn't dug deep enough to sever the bigger veins, but blood was still trickling slowly down her arm. She was rarely squeamish, but the sight made her dizzy again.

She could feel bruises forming on her knees and palms as well. Sev swore vilely and shifted her carefully onto the divan. "This needs dittany."

She was in shock, Lily thought distantly as he summoned the vials he wanted and bent over her arms, murmuring a cleansing charm. Normally she would insist on doing it herself. But all she seemed to be able to do was hold still and let Sev tend her. The exquisite care he took in dabbing on the healing substances made her eyes prickle; the pain from the dittany seemed far away, and then vanished entirely when he followed it with a bruise healer.

Finally he wrapped the fragile new skin in gauze, sealing the cloth's edges carefully. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Lily shook her head. "Just a little bruised, I think." She lifted one bandaged arm and brushed his hair from his eyes. "Thank you."

Sev's mouth tightened, but he didn't pull away. "I'm going to make tea," he said, and pushed to his feet, gathering up the medical supplies.

Lily endured the solitude for about three minutes and then rose to follow him into the kitchen despite her still-shaky legs. When Sev glared at her she glared right back, and sat down at the tiny kitchen table, watching as he heated water for the pot. The hands that had been so steady in treating her injuries were shaking now, and when his grip slipped and the steaming water splashed, his oath was barely past his lips when Lily was around the table and taking his burnt hand in hers.

The scald was light; Lily conjured a bit of cold water to soothe it, then pressed her lips to the pink spot, feeling the tears come at last, hot and stinging and spilling over.

They clung to one another for a long time, ignoring the steeping tea. It wasn't until the muffled thumping coming from the front hall penetrated their consciousness that Lily lifted her head.

Sev swore. "I forgot," he muttered. "I should have stunned him harder."

Lily tensed. "Stunned whom?"

He let out a heavy breath. "Black came after you…Potter came after me."

Residual fear gave way to an icy anger. "He did _what?_ "

Sev blinked, his arms loosening as he looked down at her, but he didn't step away. "He caught me off-guard—he was going to do something, I don't know what, but you were supposed to come back and find me gone. With a note rejecting you."

Lily felt her jaw tighten, and now Sev did release her. "He was going to comfort you, afterwards," he added, his voice more dry than resentful. "Or try to."

She lifted her chin. "And you didn't tell me because…?"

He shook his head hard. "I was going to, Lily, but you were hurt and I forgot." His face was a mix of pleading and hurt. "All I had time to do was shove him in the closet, because he said Black was going to—to _scare_ you and I—"

He choked, and instantly Lily wrapped him in another hard hug. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sev. You're right, I—"

It was her turn to choke, but Sev held her close and his shaky breath against her cheek was enough to let her know he'd forgiven her. The thumps and the occasional smothered shout scarcely registered.

Finally Lily took a deep breath and stepped away, lifting her chin. "You took care of Sirius, Sev…I want James."

She thought he might argue, but instead Sev smiled, a slow, chilly expression. "By all means."

They went into the hall together, and Lily scooped up James' wand, holding her own ready while Sev undid his spells. As soon as he was finished, he swung open the door.

The light revealed a dusty, blinking Potter crouched on the closet floor; a tangle of wire hangers around him hinted that he'd bumped his head on the coat rod. His spectacles were askew on his nose. He stared up at them both, gaze flicking between them. The puppy-eyed look he settled on her might once have softened Lily, but even if she'd been tempted she'd seen the glimmer of hate in his glance at Sev. "Evans—" he began.

"Stand up," she told him coldly.

Potter rose cautiously, neck bent a little to keep him from bumping his head a second time, and tried a smile she used to find charming. "Lily, listen to me. I don't know what Snape's been telling you, but—"

"Be quiet." She pointed her wand at him, and perhaps he remembered their last confrontation, as he fell silent without the need for a spell.

Lily stepped closer to him, feeling Sev's silent presence at her back, protective and ready, and blessed him for not trying to take this justice away from her. Her fury was feeding into her magic; she could feelit running like sparks along her nerves. "I told you I don't belong to you, James Potter, but you can't seem to _listen_."

Potter flinched ever so slightly. "You're going to listen now," she told him, keeping her voice low and hard. "You lost the right to speak to me when you broke your promise."

"I've tried to apologise," Potter began indignantly, but Lily raised her wand and he closed his mouth.

"I'm not interested in your apologies. You betrayed my trust. You sent your precious friend Black to _bite_ me."

The colour drained from Potter's face, and he straightened, nearly bumping his head again. _"What?"_

Behind her, Sev growled quietly. Lily glared at James. " _'Will your snake still rut after you when you're ugly, Evans?'_ " she quoted. "Did you think that maiming me would make me run to you, James?"

Potter shook his head hard. "No. No, I never—I _never_ asked him to do that, Lily! Believe me, I would _never_ hurt you." His mouth twisted, and he looked stricken. "Lily, I _love_ you. All I wanted to do was show you that."

Sev's palm was warm on the small of her back, just the support she needed. Lily frowned at Potter. "You have a funny way of showing it."

Potter rubbed his forehead. "It's _true._ But you wouldn't let me apologise. He's not right for you, Lily, _I_ am." His gaze went past her to fix on Sev behind her, a sneer settling over his features. "He's nothing but a lousy Death Eater-wannabe, and if you—"

" _Enough."_ Lily slashed her wand through the air, using no spell but cutting him off all the same. She could feel herself trembling deep inside, and her bruises stung and ached.

She reached back with her free hand, and instantly Sev's wrapped around it, steadying her. Lily touched the tip of her wand to her own chest, and felt the _Fides_ spell flare with warmth; its golden binding shimmered over them both for a moment, proving her connection with Sev. The light reflected off of Potter's spectacles, and as it faded she saw his eyes darken with loss.

 _I guess he really does care._ She hadn't been certain how much of it had been lust, or just the desire to take something away from Sev; the sight almost touched her. But James had ruined his own chances, and kept company as dreadful as any Sev ever had, and she had no sympathy left.

Lily straightened and drew in a long breath. "I will say this only once more, James Potter. I am not yours, and I never will be. _Leave us alone._ "

It wasn't a spell as she understood them, but the wizarding romances she read often mentioned a ritual used to sever acquaintances. Lily had the feeling it was used more in the past than currently, but in this case—

She held up her wand between them, pointed straight at the ceiling, then brought it sharply down. _"Renuntiare!"_

Potter's face went white once more, and he flinched, hard. "Lily!"

A long arm reached past her, wand extended, and Sev's voice spoke. _"Stupefy."_

Potter collapsed. Lily staggered a little, and Sev's arms wrapped around her from behind. "Are you all right?"

Lily considered a number of responses, and decided on honesty. "No."

Sev made a sound that combined agreement and concern, and the next moment she was being lifted off her feet. She let him carry her into the bedroom and set her down on the mattress, but when he would have stepped back she put her own arms around his waist and held on, closing her eyes tightly.

She could hear his heartbeat, still too fast, and Sev's hands slid into her hair, holding her closely. "That was inspired," he said after a while.

Lily smiled tiredly against his chest. "We're going to have to tell McGonagall about all of this," she said.

"I know." His sigh was heavy.

She tilted her head up to look at him, and Sev stroked the hair from her brow with a touch so gentle that her throat ached. "I need to deal with him."

Lily wished that Potter would just Vanish on his own, but she knew that wasn't practical. "Just drop him somewhere, Sev, okay? I don't want you to get in any trouble because of him."

Sev's mouth twisted petulantly, but he nodded. "I won't answer for any bruises he has from the fall, however."

That made her giggle, if reluctantly, and his face lightened. Sev bent and kissed her hard. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Stay right here, do you understand?"

Lily nodded back, and handed him Potter's wand, and watched as he left the room. A minute later, the _bang_ of Side-Along Disapparation echoed through the cottage.

She wondered if Black was still out there, and shuddered. _Time to strengthen the wards, I think._

* * *

She looked far too fragile. Severus paused in the doorway of the bedroom when he returned, caught in the sight of Lily sitting on the bed, arms wrapped around her knees as if to fit into the smallest space possible, and his rage at Black and Potter smouldered higher. But when she smiled and held out a hand, he could do nothing but go to her.

"You need to rest," he said as their fingers meshed. "Lie down and I'll tuck you in."

Lily's amused sniff was weak. "I'm not a child," she said, but obeyed. But when he reached for the covers, she caught his arm and tugged.

"Don't leave me alone," she said, her voice wavering, and without hesitation Severus kicked off his boots and slid into the bed with her.

She burrowed into him as if still frightened, and Severus held her hard and added curses to Black's name for reducing his fierce valiant love to this.

But she _was_ safe, and in his arms, and he felt some of the terrible burn of anger gradually ease. The room grew dim with evening as they lay together, sharing breath and touch and comfort. He thought Lily might have slept a bit, though he never closed his eyes, but eventually she stirred, lifting her head. The lost look was gone; she only seemed tired, now, and she smiled at him.

"Thank you for saving me," she said quietly, and kissed him, a soft warm press. "My knight in woollen armour."

Her words made his throat knot. How many times had he wished to do her some service—but he'd never imagined anything like _this_ —

Severus buried his face in her hair and held her as if a thousand Animagi would snatch her away if his grip loosened. "I will kill Black," he muttered.

"No." Lily's arms were tight around him, but her voice was clear. "No, promise me you won't. Sev, he'll have to live with it the rest of his life, that you beat him. That's plenty; after all, he didn't actually manage to hurt me." She winced. "Much, anyway."

He kept silent, but she pulled her head back until their eyes met, and he was lost; as ever, he could deny her nothing. "I…I promise."

Her stern expression melted into relief, and the knot tightened at her look of utter trust. "Good."

He didn't cry, but he had to close his eyes for a while, feeling Lily humming against his skin and her fingers stroking his face gently.

"That was a very impressive Patronus," she said after a while, when the room was fully dark. "Much bigger than James' deer."

Severus had to clear his throat before he could speak. "His is also a stag?" He felt vaguely insulted.

Lily chuckled. "That was no ordinary stag, Sev. Didn't you see it? For an instant I thought it was James', and I expect Sirius did too, we all saw his in class. But then it was obvious."

He'd only cast it out of desperation that he wouldn't reach Lily in time, pulling up the searingly bright memory of their first kiss, and he'd scarcely seen more than the huge shape springing at the beast threatening her. Puzzled, Severus made himself release Lily and sit up, feeling for his wand in the dark and remembering.

It came as easily as the simplest of first-year spells, a massive shaggy creature far too tall to fit in the room that nevertheless did so, its antlers reaching nearly wall to wall. Its gaze was grave and proud as it regarded them calmly.

"An Irish elk?" Severus gaped at it. "But they're extinct."

"So's the 'ō'ō, and Serenity Chaffin has one for hers." Lily sat up too, summoning her own wand, and repeated the spell. Her doe looked tiny next to Severus' Patronus, but it raised its muzzle fearlessly to the stag, which lowered its enormous head in a delicate touch of nose to nose. The two faded away together, leaving Severus' eyes dazzled with afterimages.

"Told you you could do it." Lily's voice was rich with satisfaction and amusement, and Severus felt himself smile.

"You did," he admitted, finding her by touch to hold her again.

"Mm." She yawned. "Sev…I'm too tired to do anything, but can you lose the trousers at least?"

Severus snorted, amused himself, and used the clothing-removal charm on both of them for simplicity, though Lily clung to her shirt. She curled up against him once more, and he stared into the warm darkness, keeping watch.

It was enough.

* * *

They didn't see each other at all on the train back to Hogwarts—as Head Girl, Lily had to monitor carriages full of energetic students, and Sev was dragged off into the lead carriage that the Slytherin seventh-years had claimed as their den. But she had the private, delicious memory of the past two weeks to sustain her, and the faint constant warmth of the _Fides_ spell to reassure her, like a talisman hidden beneath her robes.

 _Besides,_ she thought wryly as she broke up a race up and down one narrow corridor, _it's not as though we haven't been apart before._ And in truth it was easier now, and not just because of the spell.

_He's mine, body as well as heart._

Part of her was slightly appalled that she had promised to marry Sev before either of them even turned twenty. But witches and wizards tended to marry young compared to Muggles, and in the eyes of the wizarding world they were adults—no one there would so much as blink. _And you know perfectly well that at least a third of your year-mates are planning on doing the same._

Besides, it was _Sev_. Her very best, oldest friend. Marrying, living together, was simply an extension of what they already had.

 _I know we'll have to adjust to each other. He's got a temper, and so do I._ But the idea of sharing living space with just one person after years of sharing with three was appealing, and she knew that while Sev enjoyed solitude while working, one of his deepest fears was that he would end up completely alone.

 _We'll make it work._ Lily hid a smile and confiscated two nose-biting teacups and a block of Wonder-Wart Fudge from a mixed group of third-years. _We're both highly motivated, after all._

She was less worried about Black and Potter. They'd sent an owl to Professor McGonagall the night before, and her return note had been terse but satisfying. Lily and Sev would have to give evidence against the two boys, but Lily knew her Head of House and anticipated a swift and just resolution to the problem.

She could do no more than wave to Sev at supper; Slughorn collared him genially directly afterwards, and Lily chuckled at Sev's look of mock dismay and sent him a wink. They had Transformation together in the morning; they could talk then.

Still, she had to admit to some wistfulness as she undid the straps of her rucksack to unpack before the evening's patrol. After only a few hours, she missed Sev already, and—

The flap of the bag lifted, and Lily gasped. Out poured a cascade of heather and thornless gorse, piling higher and higher on her coverlet, the sweet wild scents filling her room—far more than her rucksack could possibly hold, blossom upon blossom and every one laden with memory.

 _How did he manage that? I'd swear he never even touched my bag._ Enchanted, Lily swept up an armful and pressed her face into the flowers, breathing in the sweetness and the unspoken love. _Oh yes._

_We'll do just fine._

**End.**


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